I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
smell my finger.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I touched a dick in church today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
