it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
