He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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