Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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