i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
