the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
