hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
