Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
