if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
