I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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