There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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