I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
