ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
