They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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