I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
