My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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