Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
