There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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