Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
