Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
