fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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