im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
