Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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