i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
