Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
