to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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