Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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