Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
