Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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