you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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