I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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