I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
