Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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