im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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