you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
