he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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