You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
