Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
