Too much gin, very little bucket
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
