That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize