Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
