I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
