Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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