Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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