You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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