I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
