He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
