Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
