I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
