after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
