hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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