Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
