Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
