I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize