I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
