Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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