So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
