either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
