After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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