the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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