What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
